Bittersweet
by Fucking Ice-cube
Summary: Elizabeth suddenly announces that she is canceling her engagement with Ciel! Find out why, and the deeper, more mature aspect of her. Challenge: Make Elizabeth less annoying and more pitiful...because she, in her essence, is worthy of pity. Onesided love


Disclaimer: The cast of Kuroshitsuji do not belong to me, and neither does the plot in general. This is written for a friend, who challenged me to 'make Elizabeth less annoying and more mature', so yeah here is my way of doing it. Song used this time is called 'Bittersweet' by Amy Diamond. Reviews are very much appreciated. First reviewer gets to throw me a challenge/request. And no, that does not include you, Angelique. Not this time…

Bittersweet

_**~ It's hard to find the things to say, I'm vulnerable and frail. So I wrapped my heart in bubble plastic just in case it breaks. ~**_

Honeyed voice so sweet it suffocates, wide emerald eyes that sparkled with feigned ignorance, small delicate hands with a habit of latching themselves onto you, and exaggerated willfulness…truly my childish behavior irks even me. It is a chore, pretending to be a childish fiancée when this is not how I truly am.

But if I do not act like a petulant child demanding attention, would you have paid attention to me existence? Would you have noticed that you still have a fiancée, if I do not occasionally show up to disrupt your daily routines? I think not. You, who had your eyes trained in some faraway location where I cannot reach…would never have noticed me.

~ _**Before you and I go much further now, I'm asking you to please tell me. Do you really want my love? Is it really me you're thinking of? When you smile at me, it's so bittersweet. ~**_

Many times, I have sat in my carriage and pondered on the breaking off of our engagement. For I am quite painfully aware that you do not love me, that you never needed my love. I knew that you were only fulfilling your duty as me fiancé, due to obligation and responsibility. Trust me, I know. I am not the oblivious child-like Lizzie I appear to be. I understood that my love was an unrequited one. So why? Why do you keep treating me so tenderly? Why do you keep holding you hand out to me time and again with that smile of yours? I understand that you do not love me, so please do not smile at me so kindly. For every time you do, a lump rises in my throat and tears prickle in my eyes as it so unpleasantly reminds me that this was a smile born out of pity for poor childish Lizzie instead of love. I would rather you not smile at all if that is the case, then I would not have to pretend that the tears that slid down my face were tears of delight.

_**~ Let me know before tomorrow comes along, because I'm already in too deep. Until then I love you, Bittersweet. ~**_

I love you. I truly, madly, deeply do. No matter how fake or insignificant it seems to you, I am utterly besotted with you. And I wish I weren't. How I wished that it was someone else I loved, someone that actually returns my feelings instead of forever chasing after the unattainable you like the fool I am. It is frustrating and torturous. Please do let me know, let me know if I really have a place in your heart because I cannot stand this pain anymore… This maddening uncertainty kills me. This bitter sweetness poisons my heart and drives me nearly mad with frustration. Please do tell me the truth, so that I can stop this agony…this heart wrenching pain…

~ _**I can't let go, but this I know, I won't let you stay if you are not sure about the way you feel about the two of us.~**_

Even now, my feelings for you are as strong as ever. I know that I will not be able to forget you so easily, that I most probably never will be able to. But I also do understand that this is the only solution, both for your sake and mine. Remember that I once told you my greatest wish was for Ciel-kun to find happiness? I still wish for that. I still fervently wish that Ciel-Kun could find happiness, even if it means giving up mine in exchange…

~ _**It's heaven when it's you and me, but Hell when you're gone mysteriously. I'd rather be alone than lost and torn, maybe I must make it on my own. ~**_

I am well aware that I have been selfish, desperately clinging onto you for the sake of my own selfish desires, hoping that I could be the one to bring you happiness. I was afraid of letting you go, afraid that you will disappear once I let you out of my sight. And I am sorry for attempting to force my feelings onto you. I am sorry for being so selfish. Ciel-Kun, thank you for bearing with my unreasonable demands. Thank you for keeping me company out of your goodwill. Thank you for all the happy moments you blessed me with. Thank you for everything.

I wish I could be your happiness but the irrevocable fact is that I can not, and will never be able to. Therefore, I will make my decision tonight. This decision, though the price will heavily cost me, will free us of our painful shackles. This is the only thing I can do. This is the only solution I can find after exhausting all my means, this is the only thing I am capable of doing on my own. Tonight, I am letting you go…

"Mother, I am canceling my engagement with Ciel."

That was the first and final thing Elizabeth did for the one she loved before going abroad on a journey. To where she was going, she had not the slightest inkling. But as she gazed out at the serene scenery as the carriage rattled past with the company of her personal assistant, the girl had a feeling as though everything is going to be alright…

~ Ciel-kun, this is goodbye… ~


End file.
